Just what it says. It doesn't? He's the bonus merchant that sells expensive magical items. I'm at the Copper Coronet and he's nowhere to be found.
This SUCKS honestly if it's true.
I was really excited to try his items for the first time, since I've never actually known he was a thing before, but...
I've searched for the solution and people are suggesting installing third party patches or creating him via console. I don't wanna do that, since using cheats of any kind leaves a bad taste.

Per Fandom: Joluv (#Trivia):
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Joluv initially did not appear in the original release of Baldur's Gate II: Shadows of Amn, but was later added to the game in some of the exclusive Collector's Edition versions. He was later made available as a free-downloadable content. Those who do not own the Collector's edition or Baldur's Gate II: Enhanced Edition might still need to search the Internet for the Joluv add-on.
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(internal links omitted)

Since you are using the Classic Edition, not the Collector's Edition or the Enhanced Edition, you do not have him by default. He does appear automatically in the Enhanced Edition.

Well, I was assuming that whatever digital bonus goodies came with the Collector's edition way back in 2000, were also included with the game when it was released on GOG in 2010. Apparently I was wrong.

The BG classic I use is one I bought from GOG before EE was invented. It is "classic" only in respect to the fact that it is old and not the EE version. Joluv is right there in the CC for me. I don't think there were multiple versions of BG on offer when I got it from GOG. Does this mean that the "classic" version they provide now is downgraded from the version they offered before Beamdog got involved?

I do not know. I never had the physical version of the basic retail edition or of the Collector's Edition, so I have no way to compare that to the "Classic Edition" that GOG offers as a gift code with purchase of the Enhanced Edition. I am only recounting what the Wiki says on the matter. The Wiki page I linked also notes that Joluv may in some cases move due to nearby combat.

Like many words, "classic" has been made to be ambiguous by marketing.

I have BG2 on CD but I don't bother with old CDs because it's usually a nightmare to find all the patches and install them in the right order.

I don't know if it's necessary, but it might be nice if someone provided a link to where you can download Joluv for the original game.

This is actually an interesting point I haven't considered. I also bought BG2 before BG2 EE even came out, and so, I never had the EE in my account. It's possible that when EE came out, they added these bonus items to both versions of games, but my version remained un-patched. It's named Complete but I think that just refers to it including ToB.

Interestingly though, Deidre was present in my version, but Joluv was not. Weird because they were bundled together in both the bonus CD and the online patch. I'm not sure if links to outside sources are allowed, but here: https://sorcerers.net/Games/BG2/index_mods_hosted_bioware.php

Failing that, just google "sorcerers place bg2 bonus items"

That's what I ended up doing. Now I have Joluv in the game.

Funny thing about this: I don't think I've ever bought anything from Joluv.