Uploaded for copyright infringement purposes only. No entertainment intended.

(This is actually based off the description of an actual YouTube video, but I changed things around to (hopefully) make things funny.)

This has got to be the corniest joke but on whom?

A Snowman is at the supermarket looking at a bin of carrots.

Someone sees him and yells, "Stop picking your nose!"

What's brown and sticky?

A stick.

A GOG user creates a thread in the forum and asks, "What are you guys playing right now?"

Not a single answer.

What's brown and sticky?

A stick.

*edit* I'm not sure how I missed this was just said. Sorry.

^ That was funnier than the joke :-D


What's brown and sounds like a bell?


Dung!

If laughter is the best medicine, then why do all those hookers still have Chlamydia after laughing at my incredibly tiny man burrito?

Why do scuba divers fall backwards into the water?

Because if they fell forwards, they'd land in the boat.

Have you heard about the restaurant on the moon?

Food is ok, but the place has no atmosphere.

I heard that last night on the Emmy awards.

A chemical engineer, a mechanical engineer, and a computer scientist are on a road trip when all of a sudden their car breaks down.
They pull over to the side of the road and start hypothesizing what is wrong.
The chemical engineer says, “It’s probably something wrong with the catalytic converter.”
“No,” says the mechanical engineer, “It’s probably something wrong with the engine.”
The computer scientist says, “Not sure, but let’s get out, get back in, and see if it starts.


A fella goes to the doctors, and the doctor says “I’m so sorry I’ve got some bad news and some even worse news”.
“Oh dear” says the fella, “what is it?”.
“Well” says the doctor “the bad news is you’ve only got 24 hours left to live”.
“Oh no” says the fella “what’s the even worse news?”.
“I should have told you yesterday” says the doctor.


Fred and his wife Edna went to the state fair every year.
Every year Fred would say, “Edna, I’d like to ride in that there airplane.” And every year Edna would say, “I know Fred, but that airplane ride costs ten dollars, and ten dollars is ten dollars.”
One year Fred and Edna went to the fair and Fred said, “Edna, I’m 71 years old. If I don’t ride that airplane this year I may never get another chance.”
Edna replied, “Fred that there airplane ride costs ten dollars, and ten dollars is ten dollars.”
The pilot overheard them and said, “Folks, I’ll make you a deal. I’ll take you both up for a ride. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and not say one word, I won’t charge you, but if you say one word it’s ten dollars.”
Fred and Edna agreed and up they go. The pilot does all kinds of twists and turns, rolls and dives, but not a word is heard. He does all his tricks over again, but still not a word.
They land and the pilot turns to Fred, “By golly, I did everything I could think of to get you to yell out, but you didn’t.”
Fred replied, “Well, I was going to say something when Edna fell out, but ten dollars is ten dollars.”

Why was the mermaid wearing seashells?

She grew out of her B-shells.

Made me think of this classic.

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Heisenberg and Schrödinger get pulled over for speeding.

The cop asks Heisenberg "Do you know how fast you were going?"

Heisenberg replies, "No, but we know exactly where we are!"

The officer looks at him confused and says "you were going 108 miles per hour!"

Heisenberg throws his arms up and cries, "Great! Now we're lost!"

The officer looks over the car and asks Schrödinger if the two men have anything in the trunk.

"A cat," Schrödinger replies.

The cop opens the trunk and yells "Hey! This cat is dead."

Schrödinger angrily replies, "Well he is now."

Here's one I thought of:

Metroid (NES) is full of bugs and gltiches; this includes the bugs that fly at you and sometimes hit you when you're going through the door.

What does the cannibal get when he's late for lunch?

The cold shoulder.

I love that game, the only puns I can stand.