What kind of noise annoys an oyster?

A noisy noise annoys an oyster!

Q: What do you do when you see a spaceman?

A: You parkman



Q: How do you know there's a Linux user in the room?

A: He'll tell you.

A husband is watching one of those sappy romantic movies with his wife.
As usual, at the happy ending of the movie, she starts crying.
Now, the husband "should" know better, but he asks the question anyway...
"Why do you always cry at the end of these movies?"
Her reply, "Because I'm both happy and sad at the same time"
"Happy at the ending and sad the movie is over."
The husband couldn't resist...
"That makes no sense to me, you cannot feel two opposite emotions at the same time."
"At least no man cam..."
His wife responds, "Well I think I can prove it to you in seven words"
He says, "You're on"

The wife says...
"Your "Johnson" is bigger than the mailman's"

Not really a joke, more like poetry... but:

We all know this Steam user, his name is Jim
We like to throw, tomatoes at him
Tomatoes are soft, and don't hurt the skin
But these fuckers do, because they're still in the tin

Ha! Nice one. XD

Just to keep this thread bumped.

A good friend of mine has just started her own business making ships in her attic. She is doing so well that sails have gone through the roof.

da dum cha!

Why did this thread ever die?!
Why were the Dark Ages called that? Because there were so many knights!

My best friend is a retard.
I work at a fast food restaurant and I'm paid very little.
My co-worker who happens to be my neighbor yells at me during work and if I complain to my cheap boss he'll reduce my shit pay even more.
I always fail my driving exam season after season.
And you know what the worst part is? I live in a pineapple under the sea.

I didn't want to think my dad was stealing from his job as a road worker, but when I got home, the signs were all there.

a-maize-ing thread

You decided to make the corn pun before I could? Aw, shucks.

I'm so poor...

~ How poor are you? ~

I'm so poor, I had to Wishlist a free game.



har har. But seriously, folks, you can put free games on your wishlist.

How do you make a ham sandwich?

Two slices of bread and tinye.

A man sees an elderly man with a cute dog quietly wagging his tail.
The younger man asks him if his dog bites & the elderly man says "No."
The man goes to pet the dog and the dog immediately bites him.
Upset the man says, "I thought you said your dog did not bite!"
The elderly man smiles and says, "That is not my dog."

Here's one that my father told me when I was young:

A man and his son get in a train accident. The father dies, and the son is injured and gets taken to the hospital. Once there, the nurse examines the son and determines that he needs surgery. The surgeon comes in and then says "I can't operate on this man. He's my son."