What do you call a good looking Pakistani?

Asif.

Dalai Lama walks into a pizza parlor and says, "Make me one with everything."

I just bought a new pair of shoes from my local drug dealer.
I don't know what he laced them with, but I've been tripping for days.

Wanna hear a german one? I hope I can translate it accordingly:

So, there is this soldier. He gets redeployed to a military base in a desert, in the middle of nowhere. On the first day his commanding officer shows him the area. The soldier looks around this desolate place and sees a lot of guys, but he can´t find a single woman. He asks his officer: "How can you live here without women?"
The officer says: "That´s no problem. When we need a woman, we take that camel there." And he points to a lonely camel standing in the sun.
"Really?", the soldier asks. "You take the camel?"
"Sure, why not?"
The soldier shudders and decides that this is not what he wants. So the days and weeks pass in boredom. And finally after a month or so, the soldier can´t stand it anymore. He is in dire need of a woman. So he stacks a few beer crates on top of each other, climbs on them and starts to screw the camel from behind.
After some time the officer comes by and sees that. "What the hell are you doing there?", he asks enraged.
"What?", the soldier says. "You told me, that you take the camel when you are in need of a woman."
"Of course", the officer says,"we take it to ride to the next town."

How do you track Will Smith in a snow storm?

Simply follow the Fresh Prince.

What state has the smallest drinks?
Mini soda


What do you call a duck that's addicted to drugs?
A quackhead

Here's a mathematician's joke.

Theorem. Let n be an integer, with n > 1. Then there exist primes p and q such that p + q = 2n.

Proof. The proof is left as an exercise for the reader.

(For those who aren't aware, the "theorem" stated here is a famous unsolved problem in mathematics known as the Goldbach Conjecture.)

BREAKING NEWS: Why is the news so fragile?

^ I chuckled.

You're always so Positive, Patty.

What do you give to a hog with a sore throat?

Oinkment



(I just read that one from a Tootsie Roll ad in a comic from 1985)

A woman to an aquaintance: "My best friend eloped with my husband. I miss her so much."

My niece is is studying in vet school and loves corny jokes. I'm sending her that one now. :)

So, how long has it been since she was in the military?

Oh I get it! Vet school! Corny as they come...+1 to you